Saturday, November 18 2006
FerretBrain » Articles » 2006 » November
A Guide To Bangladesh, Part 1: Getting Here
Rami Chowdhury takes a deeply ironic look at his home country
Congratulations on your decision to learn about the wonderful country of Bangladesh. We have many exciting things for you to experience, and recommend heartily that you call the nearest travel agency and book an immediate holiday solely on the strength of our badly spelled advice. You have our solemn promise that it will be worth your time and money to visit.
If your travel agent should offer you a flight on Biman, our excellent national airline, do not hesitate to give yourself the experience of a lifetime. Other airlines pride themselves on quiet cabins, comfortable seats, getting you where to want to go on time, and being safer than a drive across town. We think this is far too boring an attitude to take to the marvel of air travel! Biman's cabins are loud. Our seats have lost most of their padding in their decades of service. And as our landing and take-off times are determined by the length of our pilots' naps, we don't even try to lock you into a dull timetable.
The excitement of your air journey with Biman will be seen in the genuineness of our airline staff. Other airlines' hosts and hostesses are harried and constantly busy, but will always greet you with a completely artificial smile. Ours, on the other hand, have nothing artificial about them! They will be genuinely happy and smiling the entire flight as they gossip with one another, and they are as dismissive and forgetful of your requests as most people you have just met!
There will be no opportunity to get lost once you arrive at Zia International Airport in Dhaka. It is so neatly and compactly laid out that you cannot help but find your way correctly to the immigration desks. Here you will need the disembarkation cards that were handed out on the plane, so please be sure you have filled them in. Do not worry about the security of the wealth of personal details the card requires - most people in our country are unable to read English, so your information is safe with us!
You will, however, have to wait just a few minutes in the queue. Our immigration police are chosen for their enthusiasm, and they will spend a long time scrutinizing every page of your passport and asking you interested questions about it. In order to avoid the repetitive strain injuries that are so common amongst those who work with computers all day, our immigration officers choose to use only two fingers to enter your data into the database, and we are sure you will understand that this takes just a little more time.
Like our immigration officers, our airport staff have the common sense that it takes to avoid unnecessary injuries, and they realize that many such injuries are caused by working at the fast pace Western culture demands. The baggage handlers at Zia carefully bring each suitcase, one by one, into the terminal - and we are sure you agree that a few extra minutes' wait is a small price to pay for our airport workers' health!
Once you have your baggage on one of our squeak-free trolleys, you will be able to move smoothly toward the correct customs channel. Bangladesh, as a developing nation, needs to be very careful about the duties we impose on goods - our customs guide, which you will get with your disembarkation card, is brief but thorough, and we are sure you will have time to peruse it and make the correct decision!
Congratulations on your progress so far! In the next installment of our guide to Bangladesh, we will show you how best to enjoy the wonders of our country now that you have successfully arrived!
If your travel agent should offer you a flight on Biman, our excellent national airline, do not hesitate to give yourself the experience of a lifetime. Other airlines pride themselves on quiet cabins, comfortable seats, getting you where to want to go on time, and being safer than a drive across town. We think this is far too boring an attitude to take to the marvel of air travel! Biman's cabins are loud. Our seats have lost most of their padding in their decades of service. And as our landing and take-off times are determined by the length of our pilots' naps, we don't even try to lock you into a dull timetable.
The excitement of your air journey with Biman will be seen in the genuineness of our airline staff. Other airlines' hosts and hostesses are harried and constantly busy, but will always greet you with a completely artificial smile. Ours, on the other hand, have nothing artificial about them! They will be genuinely happy and smiling the entire flight as they gossip with one another, and they are as dismissive and forgetful of your requests as most people you have just met!
There will be no opportunity to get lost once you arrive at Zia International Airport in Dhaka. It is so neatly and compactly laid out that you cannot help but find your way correctly to the immigration desks. Here you will need the disembarkation cards that were handed out on the plane, so please be sure you have filled them in. Do not worry about the security of the wealth of personal details the card requires - most people in our country are unable to read English, so your information is safe with us!
You will, however, have to wait just a few minutes in the queue. Our immigration police are chosen for their enthusiasm, and they will spend a long time scrutinizing every page of your passport and asking you interested questions about it. In order to avoid the repetitive strain injuries that are so common amongst those who work with computers all day, our immigration officers choose to use only two fingers to enter your data into the database, and we are sure you will understand that this takes just a little more time.
Like our immigration officers, our airport staff have the common sense that it takes to avoid unnecessary injuries, and they realize that many such injuries are caused by working at the fast pace Western culture demands. The baggage handlers at Zia carefully bring each suitcase, one by one, into the terminal - and we are sure you agree that a few extra minutes' wait is a small price to pay for our airport workers' health!
Once you have your baggage on one of our squeak-free trolleys, you will be able to move smoothly toward the correct customs channel. Bangladesh, as a developing nation, needs to be very careful about the duties we impose on goods - our customs guide, which you will get with your disembarkation card, is brief but thorough, and we are sure you will have time to peruse it and make the correct decision!
Congratulations on your progress so far! In the next installment of our guide to Bangladesh, we will show you how best to enjoy the wonders of our country now that you have successfully arrived!
