Nostalgia Trippin' is a dangerous business. Usually it just results in disillusionment and bitterness, but occasionally it proves entirely justified. Anyone who grew up in the 80s likely has a whole slew of fondly remembered cartoons – some them, like Dogtanian, have suffered no dint to their awesomeness (I’m rather disconcerted to discover that Aramis is still weirdly appealing, despite being, y’know, an animated dog…) and some of them, like Dungeons and Dragons, are quite frankly shite. But, for me, the cartoon that has always held a hallowed place in my memory is She-Ra, Princess of Power.

She-Ra was a spin-off of the apparently much more successful but distinctly less cool He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Like He-Man, it was produced with the financial backing of Mattel who wanted a simple cartoon to advertise their action toys, although with its flying horses and female-dominated cast it was meant to appeal primarily to a female audience. Although quite why Mattel thought a bunch of hot women running around with swords and no pants would appeal primarily to women is beyond me.

To an extent, I suppose, it did – after all, I was a little girl and I was crazy about She-Ra. Admittedly in a rather confused leg-centric way that particularly relished episodes in which she was captured by Catra, chained up and tortured. This confused appreciation would not find an outlet again until I discovered the legs of Xena Warrior Princess (d'you see a theme here?) during my teenage years and, finally, at university where I finally got to sleep with real girls. I’m not saying that She-Ra Princess of Power turned me gay (I’m pretty sure that was there already) but part of the reason it retains such a place in my affection, when I have accepted that many of the other cartoons of my childhood were rubbish, is because it’s the first time my memories can localise an innocent, glimmering awareness of sexuality divorced from the simultaneous understanding that getting a bit of a thrill from girl bits (even animated girl bits) was probably not okay.

Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I’ve been re-visiting She-Ra. The good news is that it’s still great. Great in the sense of being a low-budget 80s cartoon with occasionally ropey animation, voice-acting (Queen Angella, in particular, sounds like a mentally-deficient transvestite) dialogue and story-telling, of course. But to go alongside the ropey, there’s also some genuinely decent stuff. Despite all that’s potentially a bit lame about it, She-Ra has imagination and ambition by the bucketload, completely transcending its rather sordid roots as a blatant marketing effort.

And in further good news: She-Ra herself is still wicked hot and Catra has cheekbones to die for.

For those in need of a refresher course: She-Ra Princess of Power, is the super alter-ego of Princess Adora, Adam / He-Man’s twin sister, who was spirited away to Etheria when she was a little baby. She was raised To Be Evil by Hordak, leader of the Horde (and mentor for Skeletor) but He-Man opens her eyes to what they have made her and thus returns her to the path of virtue. Despite being welcomed with tears and open arms by her Royal family on Eternia, Adora decides to return to Etheria to lead the Great Rebellion in its fight against Hordak until the land is free once more.

It’s a bog-standard premise for fantasy adventures but several things struck me about the show on this trip down memory lane. Firstly, She-Ra makes for a surprisingly interesting heroic protagonist. Of course there is nothing remotely morally ambiguous about the show, so she never has anything like personal flaws or weakness to deal with, but, as well as possessing all the super-agility, super-strength attributes of her twin brother He-Man, and a sword that can transform into a credulity-straining array of useful items (including a parachute – wtf?) she brings something of her own to the mix that seems partially at least an attempt to create a super-hero whose personal qualities are as relevant as her heroic ones. The reason I’m expressing this in such a mealy mouthed fashion is that I don’t want to end up saying stuff about She-Ra As A Woman – but I do like the fact that one of her defining characteristics is her compassion, so much so that it’s almost a power of its own.

It’s even the driving and defining focus of my all-time favourite She-Ra episode, which is called 'Enemy With My Face' (an episode, by the way, that was written by J. Michael Straczynski, so you can stop mocking, all ye disbelievers). In it, the Horde create a creature called the Melog, which is capable of mimicking the abilities of whatever it touches. They send it off to take down She-Ra who, of course, cannot defeat it because it matches her in strength. They end up fighting in one of the many oppressed villages that cover the landmass of Etheria and in the middle of conflict they discover a young girl who has been hiding in a nearby barrel. She-Ra leaps to protect her, which allows the Melog to triumph. But rather than striking them both down, the Melog looks curiously at the girl and reaches out to touch her hair. She-Ra then realises the Melog has absorbed her emotions as well as her powers and makes a genuinely moving speech in which she incites the Melog to think and feel and care, as she does. Sniffle. Needless to say, it works and the Melog abandons the Horde and goes off to understand herself.

I don’t mean to imply that compassion an inherently “female” virtue or that it arises as a consequence of being A Woman, but, to me, it does create a sense that the writers tried to create a She-Ra who was not just a version of He-Man with better legs.

Connected to this, I find the relationship between Adora and her alter-ego much better considered than that of Prince Adam and He-man. Basically Adam is a bit of a wastrel who spends all time lounging about Court making spice bread and everyone thinks he’s a coward because he’s never around when trouble strikes. Adora, by contrast, is the leader of a rebellion, a strong, compassionate and generally worthwhile person in her own right. Maybe I’m thinking about this too deeply (moi?) but it feels as though She-Ra is an exaggeration or a more powerful manifestation of those qualities already present in Adora.

Also Etheria is just a more intriguing set-up than Eternia. Although it’s still brightly coloured and girly and the Great Rebellion (which could probably be more aptly titled the Mediocre Rebellion) hang out in a gorgeous forest with weird little munchkin people, there’s still a certain implicit darkness in the premise of a world already conquered by the forces of evil.

But lest it sound like I’m taking an 80s cartoon too seriously for my own good, there’s plenty of the silly going on as well – I’m still so into it that I find it appealingly silly but I am also willing to concede the possibility that’s it’s just plain stupid. There’s the fact, for example, that Madam Razz’s broom looks like a deranged twiglet, or that every time Hordak transforms into something, like a rocket or a tank, he puts his face on the top of it (personally I think this is part of his villain’s remit but it does make me snigger); there’s Bow, Adora’s hopeless and clearly very gay sidekick (he has a bare midriff and a great big heart on his shirt), to say nothing of his dodgy little facial hair (to be honest, I’m actually quite fond of Bow, he’s softly spoken, a touch vain and the writers seem to have no scruples in making him play damsel in distress to She-Ra); there’s the gun equipped by every Horde mook which looks worryingly like an anal probe; and, of course, there’s the habit formed by pretty much everyone on Eternia of helpfully narrating their actions as they go along. The latter is particularly amusing during fight scenes, as there’s always a moment when two of the good guys are fighting a whole platoon of Horde soldiers and they look down discover they’re fighting on – wait for it – some manner of floor covering. “I think it’s time to pull the rug out from under them,” observes Goodie A, with a wink to Goodie B. Meanwhile the troopers just stand on there on the rug waiting obligingly to take it like bitches.

And there’s some kind of national trouser shortage going on Etheria. Seriously. Nobody. Has. Pants.

But stuff like this is pretty much par for the course for an 80s children’s cartoon and I have such seemingly unshakable fondness from She-Ra that it contributes to the pleasure of the experience, rather than detracts from it.

There are 96 extant episodes of She-Ra. Possibly I'm mad but I’m working my way through them slowly.

1-5: Into Etheria / Beast Island / She-Ra Unchained / Reunions / Battle for Bright Moon

These five introductory episodes were ultimately combined into a feature-length movie called The Secret of Sword in order to launch the new She-Ra cartoon with a big splash. Incidentally it has the best worst music ever. A cartoon series opening with a five episode arc is impressive regardless.

'Into Etheria', opens back on Eternia with the Sorceress sending Adam / He-Man off on a mission to another world in order to find the owner of a magical sword. On Etheria he soon falls in with the rebels (currently led by Bow and Glimmer) but is captured by Force Captain Adora of the Horde. (Force Captain is an awesome title). In 'Beast Island', He-man is imprisoned on Beast Island where, despite being chained to a rock, he challenges Adora to find out what the Horde is really like. Like Mitchell and Webb, she is surprised to discover she’s with the baddies and confronts Hordak. This proves A Dumb Plan as Shadow Weaver promptly brain washes her again. In 'She-Ra Unchained' Hordak reveals a new plan to Deal With Those Pesky Rebels. Using his his latest invention, the Magnabeam, which is powered by peasant juice, he will transport the rebel’s hideout to the Valley of the Lost along with all the biros in Etheria. Adora, still brain-washed, picks up the sword that He-Man brought from Eternia. The Sorceress speaks to her through the gem in the hilt, breaks Shadow Weaver’s spell and gives her the backstory (twin brother, yadda yadda, right wrongs yadda yadda). Adora is horrified at all she has done, turns into She-Ra and frees He-Man. Together they kick ass and hug. 'Reunion' fills in the details of the backstory and He-Man / Adam takes Adora / She-Ra back to Eternia to meet her real parents. There’s also a random interlude where they save Queen Angella from some harpies. Whatevs. In 'Battle for Brightmoon', Hordak also makes his way back to Eternia where he and Skeletor temporarily chum-up in order to exact a Jointly Villainous Plan to invade the palace and allow Hordak to capture Adora again. Needless to say, in the welter of Villainous Betrayals that inevitably follows, He-Man is able to rescue Adora from Hordak’s clutches. Adora realises that as much as she is loved in Eternia, she must return to Etheria in order to liberate the place she helped enslave. She arrives back just in time to thwart yet another Horde attack on the rebel base of Brightmoon Castle. Yay!

These five episodes do a fine job of establishing the premise of the new show and introducing the main characters, both good and bad. The fact that She-Ra doesn’t make an appearance until 'She-Re Unchained' actually builds up the anticipation (like the opening of Hamlet, y’know). Also Adora in her evil brainwashed incarnation as Force Captain Adora is kind of hot. The episode 'Reunions' is slower-paced than the others (despite the random harpy interlude); it’s really nice that they took the time to show Adora re-united with her family. I was moved. Adora / She-Ra’s decision to return to Etheria, although it was blatantly going to happen, is also quite touching.

Gay Quotient: moderate. Bow and Adam ride together on Arrow to the Rebel Camp. They seem terribly cosy together. Also you get to see Force Captain Adora in her nightie. Woo hoo!

Kink Quotient: moderate. Well, there’s He-Man chained to a rock but this is uninspiring. Having captured Queen Angella, the harpies show no hesitation in chaining her up and collaring her. They are clearly using her for sex.

Moral: None.

6: Duel At Devlan

Oh noes, the village of Devlan is being oppressed by the Horde! She-Ra goes to inspire the villagers to stand up for themselves and stop being oppressed all the time. Unfortunately, they’re too oppressed to fight so She-Ra takes on the entirety of the Horde army stationed in Devlan in order to prove to the villages that they can be defeated. Just as she is getting her ass handed to her, a little girl runs to her assistance, which causes the rest of the villagers to Grow Some Balls (this is not animated) and chase off the Horde with what looks to be sticks and pies.

This is not an especially strong episode. The Horde stationed in Devlan are led by some random robot called Dylamug, instead of somebody hot like Catra, which is discouraging. What the episode does do well, I suppose, is establish day-to-day life on Etheria. There’s a long sequence of the Rebels having a jolly breakfast together in the Whispering Woods, while the village of Devlan suffers under the cruel yoke of the Horde.

Gay Quotient: low. Frosta shows up for no apparent reason other than to be foxy and hotter than everyone else in the show.

Kink Quotient: none. Alas!

Moral: I thought it was “if someone is bullying you, attack them with sticks and pies because that’ll soon put an end to that.” But it was actually: “If someone bothers you, don't ever be afraid to tell your parents or some older person [or She-Ra presumably].”

7: The Sea Hawk

Adora gets herself captured by a notorious pirate known as Sea Hawk. He’s working for the Horde because he believes it’s the only way to maintain his freedom. Adora tries to convince him otherwise but no dice. As soon as he makes his delivery to the Horde, Catra recognises Adora as the leader of the rebellion and forces Sea Hawk to give her up. Sea Hawk apologies but buggers off back to sea. However, Adora’s words and his conscience get the better of him and he rescues Adora, promising to work for the Rebellion now.

This is a really nice episode, engaging, well, at least moderately sophisticatedly with ideas about loyalty, freedom and compromise. Its only weakness, really, is Sea Hawk who’s meant to be a dashing rogue but actually comes across as a bit of a pillock – I think it’s a combination of the rather poor voice-acting and the lack of trousers. There’s definitely a antagonistic-spark between Adora and Sea Hawk, and it’s really nice to see Adora holding her own against him.

Sea Hawk: I work for no one but myself.
Adora: Hordak pays you, doesn’t he?
Sea Hawk: My men and I are free. While the rest of this planet bows to the Horde, we roam the seas.
Adora: And prey on your own people.
Sea Hawk. But we are free. We are as free as [a sea fairy flutters by] … as free as this sea fairy. Free to roam wherever we will.
Adora: [capturing it gently between her hands] Until the Horde decides to stop you.

Gay Quotient: none

Lame Quotient: high, for the Sea Hawk

Kink Quotient: average. Adora is manhandled by various burly Horde troopers. Sea Hawk dry humps Catra in cat form. No really. It's disturbing.

Moral: I thought it was going to be “Don’t work for fascist dictators kids” but it was actually: “When I first saw Sea Hawk I thought he was a bad person, but She-Ra looked for the good in him, and found it.”

8: The Red Knight

Adora, Glimmer, Bow, and Kowl are on their way attend the Rebel Fair which strikes me as perhaps the stupidest secret organisation festival ever when they encounter a mysterious man called The Red Knight who won’t reveal his name or his face until Hordak’s forces have been defeated. At the Fair, the Red Knight consistently beats Bow at everything, causing Bow to go off alone to sulk. She-Ra goes to comfort him, and the Horde seize the opportunity to attack the Fair with Hordak’s latest “putting in people in bubbles” gun. Bow saves the day by firing an arrow directly in the muzzle of the Bubble Blaster and everybody is happy again. Except Hordak, obviously.

Not an absolutely stellar episode, to be honest. I know I keep taking the piss out of the Bow and going on about how gay he is but this is when I started to admitting myself that I’m actually kind of fond of him. I like the voice actor and he’s a far from conventionally macho character, despite the rippling midriff. You do have to wonder why he’s living in a wood with a bunch of women and his long-term companion, Kowl though. So he’s either sleeping with all of them or none of them.

Gay Quotient: average. Bow does a fair degree of pouting in this episode.

Kink Quotient: none. Boo!

Moral: I thought it was going to be “if you’re a secret organisation with powerful enemies don’t hold public fairs” or maybe “Bullets Not Bubbles” but it turned out to be “Today, Bow lost the race, and felt really bad because he did. But She-Ra told him he did his best, and that's what counts.”

9: The Missing Axe

This is another Bow-centric episode. While She-Ra is busy saving random wildlife from passing Horde troopers, Bow goes off to visit someone I can only assume is his lover, a burly woodcutter called Mark. Mark has two sons called Thad and Kyle (there isn’t a woman in sight, by the way) who want to play with his axe while Mark and Bow make sweet sweet manlove together. Instead of saying “no, you’re twelve and it’s a fucking axe” Mark says “sure kids but try not to lose it because that’s my livliehood.” Needless to say, they little bastards lose it and claim it was stolenfrom them by a robber in a purple cloak. Bow goes off to get his lover’s axe and gets captured by the Horde. She-Ra gets to the bottom of the story, retrieves the axe and rescues Bow.

This also isn’t a massively thrilling episode except for the hilarious relationship between Bow and a random burly woodcutter, and the sight of She-Ra being incredibly cute with the fluffy animal she rescues.

Gay Quotient: extreme! (see above)

Kink Quotient: disappointing

Moral: You’d think it would be “don’t let your kids play with your axe you fucking moron” but actually “Today's story was about trust. Trust takes a long time to build, and a single lie can destroy it in a moment.”

10: The Prisoners of Beast Island

The Horde invade a village called Bluestone. She-Ra persuades Sorrowful the cowardly dragon to help protect the village but he’s captured and taken to Beast Island (you remember Beast Island, right – He-Man spent some time there, chained to a rock). Bow blames himself for failing to protect Sorrowful, so the rebels head off to Beast Island to try and save him. Once inside, Bow encourages the dragon to inspire the other captured beasts to unite and fight the Horde. They do.

I feel kind of feh about this episode. For a start, I think it’s out of order because Sorrowful is only properly introduced in Episode 12, 'The Laughing Dragon'. And secondly although Sorrowful the Cowardly Dragon is a cute concept he gets grating very quickly. Castaspella, the hot sorceress, is in the episode for no clear reason but who's complaining?

Gay Quotient: feh (Bow / Sorrowful bonding?)

Kink Quotient: feh

Moral: “Sorrowful had a big problem, but he had friends who loved him, and were willing to stand by him even when the going got rough.” Hmmm… I thought Sorrowful had friends who put peer pressure on him and got him captured by the bad guys. Just sayin’.

11: The Peril of Whispering Woods

Shadow Weaver concocts a poison powerful enough to kill all the trees in the Whispering Woods, which will allow the Horde to penetrate the rebel base. Hordak randomly has the son(???) of Horde Prime staying with him, the snotty Prince Zed who is well up for killing some rebels and insists they invade the woods before the poison has completely taken effect. The rebels beat back the attack and capture Prince Zed. There’s a general feeling in favour of exacting an unspecified revenge on him but She-Ra urges everyone not to harm him, and nurses him back to health. Waking in the rebel camp, Prince Zed realises he’s a baddie, repents and manipulates Hordak’s fear of Horde Prime to arrange a temporary ceasefire that allows Madam Razz to create an anti-dote to the poison.

This is a nice little episode and Prince Zed is delightfully snotty. I’m slightly bewildered that Horde Prime has a human son, considering he’s a swirling mist of green menace, occasionally possessed of a robotic arm. Perhaps he grew Zed in a vat. Anyway, I like this episode because it shows She-Ra being both strong and compassionate and also offers some weird insights into the workings of the Horde. I mean is Prince Zed on some kind of Evil Dictator Internship?

Gay Quotient: Low

Kink Quotient: Low

Moral: Well, if you ask me Zed has a lot to learn from the Evil Overlord list but apparently this episode teaches us that you should “always treat others the way you want them to treat you.”

This is as far as my adventures with She-Ra have taken me at the moment but I’m sure there will be more to come.