Long ago there was a website called The Brunching Shuttlecocks. One of their regular features was “The World According to AltaVista.” The fact that people were still using Altavista might tell you just how long ago this was.

Basically what they did was get two different sets of search terms, compare the number of times they were used, and use that to imply hilarious things about the human condition.

You can do a similar thing with WoWArmoury.

For example:

Lord of the Rings

There are three characters on the EU realms named “Saruman”.

There are six characters named “Gandalf”.

There are one hundred and thirty two characters named “Radagast”.

British Comedy

There are ten characters called “Davidbrent” of whom one is a seventieth level human mage and one, strangely, is a female Troll rogue. There is only one Chrisfinch – a 24th level Draenai shaman.

There are 102 Listers, 68 Rimmers, 78 Krytens and 125 Cats. There are only 45 Kochanski's but that's only to be expected – curiously one of them is a level 80 cow.

There are 52 Delboys and 126 Rodneys. There are 50 Fatherteds of whom all but 8 are priests. There are 42 Fatherdougals of whom one is an Orcish Warlock. There are 132 Blackadders, some of them Paladins, and 106 Baldricks.

Protesting Too Much

There are four characters called “Blizzsucks” one of whom has actually made it to level 72.

There are also three characters called “Roguessuck” (one of whom is a rogue) one called “Magessuck” (a Paladin), two called “Druidssuck” (both Druids) two called “Hunterssuck” (one hunter) one “Palliessuck” (Paladin), one Shamanssuck (Shaman), two Warlockssuck (Warlock and Rogue) and two Dkssuck (both Death Knights, neither has progressed past the starting level of 55). Nobody, apparently, thinks Priests or Warriors suck, possibly because they're so vanilla.

Juvenalia

There are 18 Pooheads and 17 Poofaces. There are 42 Douchebags and 5 Wankstains. There are 33 Toerags but no Cockmonkeys. There are 19 Bumfaces.

There are five Testicles (mostly cows), and no Vaginas but there are six Clitorises and thirty-six Labia (Labias?). There are seventy-four Wangs and a single, solitary Penis who might be on a non-English-language server. Penis has not progressed beyond level fifteen.

Self Esteem

There are 55 characters called “Irock” and 26 called “Yousuck”. It pleases me to note that none of the “Yousucks” have made it to 80, and most are languishing in the 11-25 region while the “Irocks” seem to be rocking endgame.

Just Plain Weird

There are 17 characters called “Bungalow” and 27 called “XYZZY”. There are 73 Qwertys and 94 Dvoraks. There are 6 characters called “Brussels” and one called “London”. There is one called “Name” two called “Nemo” (and a hundred and two called “Emo”). There is one character called “Bustrophedon”, 95 called “Oxymoron” and three called “Tautology”.

There are fully 100 characters called “Potato”.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled webzine.