Playpen

Welcome to the Playpen, our space for ferrety banter and whimsical snippets of things that aren't quite long enough for articles (although they might be) but that caught your eye anyway.

at 16:07 on 07-08-2013, Janne Kirjasniemi
"Unlimited livestream of love for free. Boundless streaming at home, at work or on the go, baby!"
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at 14:15 on 07-08-2013, Arthur B
a rich tickling jet of youthful vigor

I think you mean an HD-quality livestream of love.
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at 14:00 on 07-08-2013, Janne Kirjasniemi
"His firewire of affectionate lust had the vivid colours and detail of an HD image of similar equipment."

"They were trapped in an endless loop of carnal computation until they both reached the break statement."

"And with an audible sigh, he let his flow of information to envelop his partner's face in a rich tickling jet of youthful vigor."
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at 13:39 on 07-08-2013, Arthur B
That's true - and the fact that male genitalia are described in those terms and the women get all the nature/divinity/love/secrecy imagery is kind of interesting.

Yeah, the only industrial euphemism the women get is "watertight furnace". Which admittedly is the best euphemism, but still.

Oh please do.

Ah, OK, let's see...

"He swiped her sensitive touchscreen."
"Steve gently guided his dongle into his partner's star-shaped port."
"Sheila urged her lover to go more slowly. 'Be gentle!' she cried, 'remember, I'm case-sensitive!'"
"Undoing the clip, she let her outer garments drop to the floor and he gasped at the magnificence of her high-resolution desktop."
"'It will never work between us!' she declared. 'I'm looking for a secure host, but you're not ready to give up your peer-to-peer lifestyle!'"

Join in, gang!
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at 13:17 on 07-08-2013, Janne Kirjasniemi
"burning head of his shaft of love" (the burning sensation is also a sign you need to see a doctor).


Some chemicals could cause the one whose attached to the penis to have a burning sensation and in most cases cause that burning sensation to all coming into contact with said penis. But 'boiling virile balm' sounds really serious. And so does 'rich tickling jet of youthful vigor'. I don't think the pressure should be quite that high. Perhaps a slight tickle, but a rich jet of tickling? Peels the paint right off the walls.
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at 12:56 on 07-08-2013, Kit
Actually, the number of industrial-themed references to dicks is genuinely interesting, in a "euphemisms fitting the major technological advance of their time" sort of way.

That's true - and the fact that male genitalia are described in those terms and the women get all the nature/divinity/love/secrecy imagery is kind of interesting.

I kind of want to dream up IT-based euphemisms for stuff just so future generations can laugh about how prudish and obsessed with the Internet we are.

Oh please do.
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at 12:38 on 07-08-2013, Arthur B
I'm amazed by "crisp fundament" (um, if it's crisp you need to see a doctor) and "burning head of his shaft of love" (the burning sensation is also a sign you need to see a doctor).

Actually, the number of industrial-themed references to dicks is genuinely interesting, in a "euphemisms fitting the major technological advance of their time" sort of way. I kind of want to dream up IT-based euphemisms for stuff just so future generations can laugh about how prudish and obsessed with the Internet we are.
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at 11:55 on 07-08-2013, Kit
Okay, so "rampant nut" had me trying desperately not to laugh in the middle of a research library.
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at 22:40 on 06-08-2013, Drew C
Huh, I could of sworn I once watch Godzilla fight something called Gamahuch, lol.
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at 22:06 on 06-08-2013, Cheriola
Anyway... For anyone who needs a laugh after this, I present: slang terms and euphemisms in Victorian era porn.

The terms for female anatomy are mostly fairly normal, if a bit flowery and divinity/virginity obsessed. But the male ones are just precious. (I'm assuming that published porn authors would have been majorily male back then.)
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at 21:47 on 06-08-2013, Cheriola
Sheesh, I wish I'd seen those quotes before Moffat took over Who, I wouldn't have engaged with the Matt Smith era


See, this is why I normally avoid any and all behind the scenes stuff as long as the bullshit doesn't show in the actual text. It almost always destroys illusions. I have no idea about RTD's political opinions, for example, because I never watched those "Confidential" episodes. Though obviously there's a lot of WTFery in his scripts from S2 onwards and on Torchwood. From the writing alone I'd also say he had too many yes-men around him and also went kind of megalomaniac round about the end of S3. I gave up hoping there would be some self-awareness of the writing about the Tenth Doctor's awfulness shortly after "Journey's End".

With Moffat, I disengaged originally because the first two of his episodes as head writer felt like he just recycled his older scripts (never a good sign if the writer can't even be fresh and original when it really counts) and because the plot hole that the emotional climax relied on in "The Beast Below" was so huge and obvious that I thought even a child would feel insulted as an audience. Since then, I've kept up with the fandom discussions just to get a hint if and when it gets better again. And by all accounts, it's just getting worse.
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at 21:23 on 06-08-2013, Arthur B
Right down to getting pissy and threatening to spurn Comic-Con if people leak teasers from Comic-Con (even though, uh, conventions like that are kind of supposed to be for unveiling stuff for the general public). I've encountered plenty of fans who've been as pissy as him about spoilers but few creators. I wonder if it's because he realises a lot of his Who material isn't very watchable if you already know the ending?
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at 21:16 on 06-08-2013, Melanie
Eugh, yes. It's always ugly when a creator decides that they can/have the right to control how people react to their stuff.

I think this might be the first time I've seen it in such close conjunction with "I only write for myself and don't care what anyone else thinks", though.
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at 20:47 on 06-08-2013, Arthur B
Sheesh, I wish I'd seen those quotes before Moffat took over Who, I wouldn't have engaged with the Matt Smith era and would have saved precious time spent being frustrated and disappointed at that, time I could have used for... well, being frustrated and disappointed at something else, probably, but it'd have crossed Moffat-vintage Who off my list.

At this rate it won't be long before there's an MRA episode of Who, if there hasn't been already.
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at 20:09 on 06-08-2013, Cheriola
Yeah, but I'm not so angry about that one. Obviously he's clueless, too lazy to do research and lacks even basic imagination in regards to human relationships (as evidenced by his claim that the Doctor can't be asexual because he had a granddaughter). But it's not like he's likely to know any ace person personally, and since there are no mainstream media representations that handle asexuality in any interesting way (like going into the unique problems in relationships, or the alienation from the very sexualised society), he's got no existing tropes and storylines to work with, unlike with traditional romance where you just have to mix and match what's been written about and proven to work for thousands of years. Exploring a whole new viewpoint on life needs either an insider, or a much more original writer than most TV writers are.

The way he wanted to forbid and sabotage me in my attempt to construct my own representation through alternate character interpretation, that's what pisses me off a lot more.
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at 19:35 on 06-08-2013, Melanie
...It's like he thinks sexual attraction is literally the only interesting thing in life.
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at 13:04 on 06-08-2013, Kit
Didn't he make similarly skeevy statements about asexuality concerning Sherlock? I think I remember reading some drivel about how an asexual Sherlock Holmes would be "boring" and how what's interesting about him is not that he is asexual, but that he abstains. What the hell?
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at 11:52 on 06-08-2013, Cheriola
My 'favourite' one is from around when the first series aired (I can't find the interview anymore, sorry) and was more or less: "The Doctor is not asexual and asexual fans should stop projecting."

For one, way to not get why marginalised groups tend to interpret characters certain ways if the text will only let them, and why for examply slash fanfic exists in the first place.

But more importantly, it kind of ruined the whole "You just assume I don't... 'dance'" conversation in "The Doctor Dances" for me. Because that was the first time I'd thought someone in the media was actually getting asexuality right and that romantic attraction and love doesn't really need to be connected to sexual attraction. I was so excited. Turns out it was really just Moffat establishing the old A Man Is Not A Virgin trope and the dating-and-dancing metaphor was just a euphemism because of the kids. And that "the world doesn't end if the Doctor dances" line was probably just to rub it in for the OldWho fans who'd prefered a non-romantic and non-sexual Doctor.

(Note: I don't mind that some of the Doctors have sexual relationships - if only they were healthy ones. Sexual orientation should be subject to change with regeneration, just like his skin colour and sex. Otherwise you get nasty asexual = alien implications. It's Moffat's disrespectful motivation that bugs me.)
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at 11:00 on 06-08-2013, Kit
God, yes, that one is awful too.
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at 10:48 on 06-08-2013, Arthur B
Also wasn't there one where he frantically tries to deny promoting bi-visibility, as he thought the problem were visibility and not the lack of it?
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at 10:39 on 06-08-2013, Kit
Those quotes are all... amazing. Especially the part where he apparently thinks being bi means, like... constant orgies?

There are not enough facepalms in the world for this. Yay, biphobia.
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at 07:18 on 06-08-2013, Arthur B
Honestly, I think he's gone power mad.

Honestly, I think the entire Who production staff have gone power mad. Why exactly did we need an entire TV show structured around the Capaldi announcement?* Why would a normal press conference not suffice? Apparently, the BBC will indulge any silly whim the production team has.

*The Capaldi Announcement sounds like a good name for an Old Who story, actually.
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at 01:46 on 06-08-2013, Cheriola
Apparently.

Honestly, I think he's gone power mad. And even though I loved the Ninth Doctor, I don't blame Christopher Eccleston one bit for deciding not to be a part of the 50th anniversary episode, after meeting with Moffat to discuss the script a few times.Have fun!
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at 00:18 on 06-08-2013, Melanie
"The only way to write anything is to write it for yourself," Moffat says. "It's witless and completely pointless to try to think of what other people would like."


Oh, how awful for a professional writer of a popular tv show to be expected to think about what other people would like. What horror. What travesty. What a crime against his artistic integrity.

Those quotes are all... amazing. Especially the part where he apparently thinks being bi means, like... constant orgies?
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