Playpen

Welcome to the Playpen, our space for ferrety banter and whimsical snippets of things that aren't quite long enough for articles (although they might be) but that caught your eye anyway.

at 06:24 on 16-09-2013, Alasdair Czyrnyj
Hmm, they're somehow making a new Wolfenstein game. Well, I do enjoy a little bit of Weird War II, so let's look at some videos.

Here's the E3 trailer, and we've got Hitler mysteriously regaining is youthful good looks after nuking Manhattan, mechs, Abteistrasse, and what appears to be Nazi Margaret Thatcher. Looks like fun!

What's this, a bit of gameplay? Well, looks like we'll get...bloody mutilation...execution of the mentally handicapped...graphic allusions to the extermination camps and to experimentation on prisoners.

Jesus Christ.

Well, looks my my decision to stop caring about gaming as a medium has proven to be the correct one yet again.
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at 18:53 on 15-09-2013, Arthur B
The Escapist appears in my dictionary to illustrate "hit and miss", but ahahahaha, they're going to get so much complaining and crying about this.
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at 23:35 on 14-09-2013, Cheriola
Well, I was just thinking that the gay character in that queerplatonic relationship should still have the option of having a sexual relationship with other people, despite being married. Especially if it's just a paper marriage, and since aromantic people generally don't get jealous. (Just anxious that their zucchini will start prioritising their new romantic partner, because that's how our culture works.)

And then I thought: Who's available who'd be about the right age? And Teddy Lupin's metamorphmagus talent makes him ideal for a genderqueer interpretation.

Bryn might help you with a genderqueer-maab character. Or alternatively, it could be a trans guy, which probably would make the research a bit easier (there are plenty of people like that on tumblr). And you could adress this kind of issue.


Of course you'd have to change quite a lot to avoid having the same transparent expy character roster as Cassandra Clare... I was just spinning my interpretation out for Fin's benefit.

Hm... The ages of the characters aren't really important. I guess "aspy research student meets other, ace research student during an expedition, and then the gay son/grandson of their very traditionally-minded professor" is vague enough to work in various settings and genres. Though some of the heir/inheritance issues and upper class values (nannies, boarding school) kind of require at least a remnant of aristocracy. And the need for a justifying reason why the woman thinks she should reproduce even if she's not really interested in a traditional relationship does call for a rare supernatural talent or something like that. (Please don't make the woman the only one in this arrangement who really wants the kids, or make her 'give' the kids to one of the men just because he wants/needs them. Agreeing to give birth solely in return for financial support is kind of problematic, too.) Then again, alternative family structures and queer issues are always easier in scifi, where you can pretend that social backlash isn't so much of an issue anymore and that people will be left to live their lives as they see fit. Though I've seen high fantasy settings with a very LGB-accepting society, too. ("Sing the Four Quarters", the Nightrunner series)
What genre were you thinking of?
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at 22:00 on 14-09-2013, Robinson L
Cheriola: I've got one more

I can try to work in most of that stuff too, though if trying to write an aro-ace character doesn't tax my abilities enough, I'm going to have to work really hard to depict a genderless character in a way that doesn't stray into serious fail territory. Then again, I take all that as part of my responsibility as a writer anyway, so there you are.

Of course, it'll also lose something by stripping off all the Potter-related backstory, but even then I think the scenario has a lot of promise to it.
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at 20:31 on 14-09-2013, Cheriola
Though Luna totally would be the person to come up with the term "zucchini" in the Potter universe. XD
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at 20:20 on 14-09-2013, Cheriola
Aw, thanks you two.

I've got one more: When the twins were old enough to enter Hogwarts, Salamander (while still married to Luna) actually had a serious romantic relationship going with Quicksilver (born Edward / "Teddy") Lupin, who would be about 30 at that time, if Luna gave birth at about 38. Quicksilver identifies as genderless and thanks to zir maternally inherited Metamorphmagus talent, ze actually manages to present as such most of the time. Nonetheless, ze and Salamander fit together romantically - and, well, ze can still manifest any necessary 'equipment' that Salamander might need to respond to zir sexually.

According to the Potter Wiki I just looked at, Teddy Lupin is supposed to have a budding relationship with Victoire Weasley. But that happens when he's 19 and she's about 16 and for people outside of kid's books, lifetime relationships normally aren't based on high school crushes. Plus, she's part Vela, so any sexual attraction to her doesn't really mean anything. If you want, she could be a lesbian, and just tragically think that, as the daughter of Fleur Delacour, she can't possibly 'deprive' the male population of herself. And in any case, who is totally sure of their sexual identity at 16? Most of the genderqueer people I know have arrived at that realisation only in college, as well. So Quicksilver not yet being 'out' while barely out of high school and still living with zir grandmother (an apparently very square woman whom zir mother already rebelled against) doesn't mean ze can't be genderqueer. Or pansexual.


I particularly like aro-ace Charlie. <3


I thought it was canon that Charlie doesn't have a girlfriend because he finds dragons far more interesting?

Come to think of it, an aro-ace Luna would work pretty well, too. But due to her weirdness and unfortunate stereotypes about asexual people, I'd rather see her as hetero and just trying to ignore any crushes she might have, because her research is so much more important and she doesn't have time for dating. (Luna's a Ravenclaw, right?)
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at 18:45 on 14-09-2013, Fin
I'd like to second Robinson's enthusiasm for that scenario. I particularly like aro-ace Charlie. <3
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at 18:15 on 14-09-2013, Robinson L
(No, I'm serious. I like stories about human relationships, the more odd-ball and anti-normative* the better, and the scenario you described pressed several of my buttons.

(*Not that there's anything inherently wrong with which are considered "normal" - it's the normativity I object to.)
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at 13:56 on 14-09-2013, Cheriola
Heh, thanks for the flowers. :)

(Or were you being serious?)
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at 11:00 on 14-09-2013, Robinson L
Cherioloa: Someone help me.

... Oh god, I think I may now have to write that story (though as an original, not Potter fanfic). If I do, I will of course contact you to sort out idea credit before seeking publication.
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at 18:58 on 13-09-2013, Dan H
What I'm personally waiting for is when the movie comes out, and all the fans start insisting that it just doesn't capture the spirit or the complexity of the original.

Also @Michal

I'd watch that. At least until the scene with the cockatrice. Then I'd just turn to stone.


Sad nerd fact. My immediate response to this was: "Wouldn't you go down to the death-gaze of the Catoblepas first."

Seven sadder nerd fact. I then went to "and actually the Banshee has a pretty nasty death wail too" and then to "thinking about it, I wonder what the alphabetically first instadeath in the Monstrous Manual is".

As long as you count mental domination as instadeath, then the answer is "the Aboleth, which is the second entry in the book."

[Edited to add] A Monstrous Manual movie that stuck to strict book order would be *fantastic*. You'd have the story of a young Aaracockra whose village was wiped out by an evil Aboleth, but who escapes into wilds where they are rescued from, an Ankheg by a kindly Arcane, who then falls protecting them from an Argos. Then they can flee from an Aurumvorax and be forced to strike a terrible bargain with the Baatezu in order to protect themselves from a Banshee, then hide from a Basilisk in a cave full of Bats, Bears and Beetles where they follow a Behir down a tunnel to the land of the Beholders...

Also, the titles would be excellent. The Monstrous Manual, Part One, A-G
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at 10:51 on 13-09-2013, Cheriola
It should be a really realistic mockumentary in the style of David Attenborough, with every mention and discussion about evolution replaced with weird and irrational explanations about magic.


That sounds like fun, but I can't imagine something like that showing at the cinema.
... Ooh, wait: How about IMAX 3D? Last time I looked (admittedly some years ago), they often showed nature documentaries.


Just in case Kyra is too busy to pay close attention to the comment section:

http://elsurian.livejournal.com/ at 05:31 on 2013-09-13

P.S: I've been trying to become an official Ferretbrain commenter for a while now. Could somebody ask the editor if they could pretty please check the editor e-mail account if only just to deny my request?

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at 09:45 on 13-09-2013, Janne Kirjasniemi
Though, if this focuses on Luna Lovegood (and maybe Charlie Weasley) going on a grand, romance-plot-free expedition to look for some mythical being, I might actually watch it.


It should be a really realistic mockumentary in the style of David Attenborough, with every mention and discussion about evolution replaced with weird and irrational explanations about magic. Alternatively, if they could get Wes Andersson, he could make it a whimsical return to the world of Zissou. I'd love seeing Bill Murray looking depressed in a wizard costume. With a pointy hat.

Monster Manual sounds excellent as well. I yearn to see the dreaded tween or the half-fey centaur or the vegepygmy depicted on... well DVD-only probably.
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at 08:56 on 13-09-2013, Cheriola
... Oh God, and now I want to write a fanfic where Luna and Charlie meet during a sea dragon related expedition led by Newt Salamander (the author of that bestiary) and become BFFs. Then it turns out that Salamander, while an awesome 'scientist', is quite a homophobic old bastard who insists that his grandson get rid of his gayness and marry and keep the family bloodline going, otherwise he'll disinherit him. So Luna, being Luna, basically tells him "You know what? I'll marry you. Whatever, it's just a piece of paper. And you can help me finance my expeditions with that inheritance. Plus, I kind of don't want my special talents to die out either, and I'm 35, so I guess I should get a move on with this kids thing, too. But just so we're clear: We're hiring a nanny until the kid is old enough for Hogwarts." The grandson also has a crush on Charlie, but while Charlie is flattered, he's also a) aro-ace and therefore not interested, and b) aware that it's just a crush and that the grandson is barely more than half his age. But that doesn't mean they can't form a kind of extended BFF/queerplatonic poly family. All Rowling apparently said is that Luna marries quite a bit later than the other kids, the guy she marries is Salamander's grandson (whom we've never met, so he's not even close to her age), and that they have one set of twins. And that Charlie never marries. So it would be perfectly canon.

... Someone help me.
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at 07:47 on 13-09-2013, Cheriola
While I enjoyed the Potter movies (the first few more than the last few), this feels like a blatant cash-in and therefore probably won't be much good. Just how do you turn an encyclopdia into a movie?

Though, if this focuses on Luna Lovegood (and maybe Charlie Weasley) going on a grand, romance-plot-free expedition to look for some mythical being, I might actually watch it.
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at 02:07 on 13-09-2013, Michal
I look forward to Monster Manual being the latest Dungeons & Dragons spin-off movie.

I'd watch that. At least until the scene with the cockatrice. Then I'd just turn to stone.
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at 01:19 on 13-09-2013, Fishing in the Mud
Having lived for so long in my fictional universe, I feel very protective of it

Lord love us all.
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at 00:52 on 13-09-2013, Arthur B
Smooth move, Rowling. Crafting Harry Potter sidequels as effectively movie-only projects* ought to let her keep her "actually a real author whose primary literary output these days is non-Potter stuff" but also keep raking in the Potter megabucks.

* I know Fantastic Beasts was made available as a spin-off book but so far as I'm aware it's just a bestiary and doesn't have an actual plot you could use to make a film out of, so it sounds like she's penning an all-original story for this. Unless the intent is just to film the bestiary, in which case I look forward to Monster Manual being the latest Dungeons & Dragons spin-off movie.
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at 20:10 on 12-09-2013, Dan H
New outrage in the mail: Foreign Woman Dares Criticize UK Government.

Doesn't she realise that coming from a country that is poorer than Britain automatically disqualifies her from having any right to talk about anything?
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at 15:34 on 06-09-2013, Alasdair Czyrnyj
Not only does Ylvis ask the hard questions, they also have tackled the questions that have tormented man for milennia*.

*...that they could have answered by asking any decent archaeologist**.

**Not these guys, though.
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at 14:40 on 06-09-2013, Alice
When I tried to watch that first video, I had to sit through a few seconds of a USAA ad first -- which starts out by asking questions about the USAA. So I started off with a brief bzuh? moment before I realised those weren't the hard questions in, er, question.

(The video itself was of course one long bzuh? moment, but that's another story.)
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at 03:52 on 06-09-2013, Cheriola
CHAOS. REIGNS.


LOL Yes, exactly. XD
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at 03:06 on 06-09-2013, Melanie
After extensive research, I believe I have an answer to aforesaid hard questions.
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at 01:57 on 06-09-2013, Alasdair Czyrnyj
Finally, a song that asks the hard questions.

CHAOS. REIGNS.
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